Any, Any, Any

24 03 2010

What does “any” mean?  Well, according to our wonderful loquacious forefather Noah Webster, “unmeasured or unlimited in amount, number, or extent – any quantity you desire”

So, what does “any” mean in the context of “Five, Five Dollar, Five Dollar Foot Long, Any, Any, Any?”  One would assume that any sub style would be included, right?

WRONG!

You lose.

And now you have an obnoxious song stuck in your head.

In case you haven’t noticed by now, there is microscopic writing underneath each “ANY” in the Subway commercials that says “premium subs excluded.”

What the what?

Subway, you said ANY, and you said it in a catchy jingle manner.  Do you really slander the honest nature of jingles?   Honestly, I’m surprised that this ad has been allowed to air for as long as it has considering it sped past the ethical grey zone and into the “what is the definition of ‘is?’” land of no return.  Some might argue that Subway obviously clearly kind of tells us that any “regular” sub is $5.  I’m sorry, I thought regular was a size?  If anything, their presliced and premeasured “meats” and “cheeses” are arguably irregular to those of us who like to eat good food.

In case you are wondering, no, I’m not going to put the video link to the commercial in here.  Why?  Because I like you, few readers, and I don’t want that stupid song to be stuck in your head while you lie awake waiting for sleep to come tonight.

I feel the need to mention this because it has gone on long enough.  Any should mean any.  And if Cheerios has to more clearly define its actual health benefits, then I feel that Subway should at least use the proper word for their actual deal, “some.”  Although “5, 5 Dollar, 5 Dollar Foot Long, Some, Some, Some”  doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

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